Our mouths are truly versatile. They enable us to express affection through kissing, communicate through speech, share laughter, and savor delicious meals. But beyond these everyday functions, our mouths are also instruments of intense pleasure, capable of creating extraordinary sensations through the art of oral sex.
Fellatio, commonly known as a blowjob, is a highly appreciated and sought-after sexual act by people with penises. It’s far more nuanced than simply “put-penis-in-mouth-and-suck.” To truly master the blowjob and elevate your skills, understanding the nuances and techniques is key.
To provide you with the most insightful and comprehensive guide, we’ve consulted Dainis Graveris, a Certified Sex Educator and Relationship Coach at SexualAlpha, and incorporated valuable feedback from experienced individuals who enjoy receiving blowjobs. This step-by-step instruction manual will equip you with the knowledge to give a blowjob that will be truly unforgettable for your partner.
Read: I Tried a Sex Doll: Here’s What It Was Like
Maximizing This Blowjob Guide
Before we dive into the step-by-step instructions, let’s address a few crucial points to ensure you approach this guide with the right mindset and expectations:
- It’s Not About Blowing Air: The term “blowjob” might be misleading. You aren’t actually blowing air onto the penis (unless you wish to explore how that feels!). The focus is on utilizing your mouth, lips, and tongue for stimulation.
- Mind Over Matter: Your mental state significantly influences your ability to give a great blowjob. A study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy highlighted that “orgasmic pleasure and satisfaction were related more to … the cognitive-affective than sensory aspects of the orgasm experience.” This means relaxation and mental focus on your partner’s pleasure can dramatically enhance the experience. Try to release any anxieties and concentrate on being present and attuned to your partner’s reactions.
- Blowjobs Are Optional, Not Obligatory: Giving or receiving blowjobs isn’t a mandatory part of sex. If you don’t enjoy giving them, or your partner doesn’t enjoy receiving them, that’s perfectly valid. Develop your blowjob skills only if it genuinely enhances your sexual fulfillment and aligns with your desires and your partner’s. Don’t feel pressured to perform blowjobs to be considered “good at sex” or to solely please your partner. Reciprocal pleasure is the goal.
- Personalization is Paramount: This guide offers general techniques, but the “perfect blowjob” is subjective and varies from person to person. Every penis is unique, and so are individual preferences. Consistent communication with your partner—before, during, and after—is crucial to tailor the experience to their specific desires and sensitivities.
Now, let’s embark on the journey of mastering the art of the blowjob with these detailed steps.
Understanding Penis Anatomy for Blowjobs
Familiarity with the different parts of the penis can significantly enhance your ability to provide targeted and pleasurable stimulation. Here’s a diagram outlining key areas:
The diagram highlights these key areas:
- Glans: Often referred to as the head of the penis, the glans is packed with nerve endings, making it highly sensitive.
- Frenulum: This is the highly sensitive underside of the glans, where it connects to the shaft. It’s often considered one of the most sensitive spots.
- Shaft: The main body of the penis, also sensitive and responsive to various sensations.
- Perineum: While not technically part of the penis, this area between the scrotum and anus is rich in nerves and can significantly amplify pleasure when stimulated during a blowjob.
- Meatus: The opening at the tip of the glans, from which urine and semen are expelled. Direct stimulation can be very sensitive for some.
- Testicles: The sacs containing the testicles are also erogenous zones for many, responding well to gentle licking, sucking, and caressing.
It’s important to remember that sensitivity levels vary. While the frenulum and glans are generally highly sensitive, some individuals may find direct oral stimulation in these areas too intense. Always prioritize open communication with your partner to discover their specific preferences and pleasure zones.
Step-by-Step Guide to Giving a Blowjob
Step 1: Open Communication is Key
“Before even thinking about the physical act, initiating a relaxed and open conversation is paramount,” advises Graveris. “Discussing desires, boundaries, and consent is essential for both partners to feel comfortable and excited.”
READ: A Step-by-Step Guide to Negotiating Consent
Consider these conversation starters before embarking on a blowjob experience:
- Condom Use: Will you be using a condom? Discussing this upfront ensures safer sex practices and comfort for both parties.
- Hygiene: Is a shower beforehand preferred? Personal hygiene preferences should be respected and discussed openly.
- Purpose and Expectations: Are you giving a blowjob for mutual pleasure or to pamper your partner? Understanding the dynamic can enhance the experience.
- Specific Desires: Do either of you have particular blowjob fantasies or desires? This is the perfect time to explore incorporating toys or flavored lubricants. For example, you might discuss using a sex toy or experimenting with flavored lube.
- Orgasm and Ejaculation: How do you want to handle orgasm and ejaculation? Discussing preferences regarding swallowing or spitting is crucial for comfort and consent.
These initial questions can spark further conversation and build anticipation for your oral adventure. Remember, negotiation can be playful and exciting, enhancing intimacy even before the physical act begins.
Graveris emphasizes, “Maintaining an open, honest, and consensual atmosphere sets the stage for a far more enjoyable experience for both of you.”
Step 2: Reality Check: Pornography vs. Real Life Blowjobs
Blowjobs are often portrayed in an unrealistic and hyper-sexualized manner in pornography, contributing to skewed expectations. While these portrayals can be visually stimulating, they rarely reflect the nuances and intimacy of real-life encounters. This is partly due to the societal prioritization of penile pleasure over vulval/vaginal pleasure in many contexts.
Graveris points out, “Adult content often emphasizes visual appeal and idealized performance for the camera, which can involve exaggerated techniques, intense stimulation, and a focus on aesthetics rather than the authentic experience of real-life fellatio.”
While certain techniques from porn can be explored, real-life blowjobs are often much more nuanced and personalized.
“Authentic fellatio is not solely about mechanics; it’s about creating a shared experience that respects the desires, boundaries, and pleasure of both individuals,” explains Graveris. “It involves attunement to each other’s cues, exploring preferences, and prioritizing mutual satisfaction to enhance the overall sexual encounter.”
Speed, intensity, and preferred techniques are highly individual. What pleased a previous partner might be too intense or not stimulating enough for your current partner. This underscores the importance of communication and adaptability.
Step 3: Setting the Mood with Blowjob Foreplay
Building anticipation and arousal through foreplay is almost always beneficial. “Think of foreplay as warming up before exercise,” suggests Graveris. “It prepares the body and mind for heightened sensations. Take your time with kissing, caressing, and exploring each other’s bodies.”
Here are some foreplay ideas to incorporate before giving a blowjob:
- Sensual Undressing: Slowly undress your partner while they are lying down, caressing their body and building sexual tension until you are ready to take their penis in your mouth.
- Vibrator Teaser: Use a vibrator against their perineum to introduce stimulating vibrations.
- Air Pulse Frenulum Play: Experiment with a low setting on an air pulse vibrator along the frenulum. Remember, this area is highly sensitive, so start gently.
- Dominant Approach: Back your partner against a wall, kneel down, and confidently take their penis in your mouth, creating a moment of intense desire.
READ: How to Worship a Cock
Step 4: Choosing Comfortable and Effective Blowjob Positions
A crucial aspect often overlooked is the physical exertion involved in giving a blowjob. The best blowjob sex positions prioritize comfort for both partners.
Even if you are highly enthusiastic about giving oral pleasure, discomfort can detract from the experience and potentially discourage future encounters. Consider the physical demands on your jaw, neck, shoulders, arms, and potentially knees and back. Select positions that are sustainable for more than a few minutes and provide easy access to your partner’s penis.
Here are some blowjob positions recommended by experienced individuals:
Flag Stick Oral Sex Position
Alt text: Image depicting the Flag Stick Oral Sex Position, showing a person lying on their back while another person kneels above, performing oral sex.
The Flag Stick Oral Sex Position puts the giver in control of the pace and intensity, allowing the receiver to relax and fully immerse themselves in the sensations.
One person shared, “It is comfy, and I can relax [in this position]. Plus, usually, the oral giver has the most comfortable control.”
This position is also adaptable. Pillows can be used to adjust angles, and sex furniture can further enhance alignment and comfort.
Sofa Oral Position
Alt text: Image illustrating the Sofa Oral Position, showing a person sitting on a sofa while another person kneels or stands in front, giving oral sex.
The Sofa Oral Position was another favorite among those surveyed.
One person highlighted the postural benefits of sitting: “Posture is important, and when you’re standing, you tend to slouch a lot.” Another mentioned the subtle power dynamics, stating it “…gives a subtle role of dom and sub for sure.”
Additional benefits include reduced neck strain for the giver and improved accessibility for partners who use wheelchairs or have difficulty standing for extended periods.
These positions are just starting points. Explore a wider range of options in resources like our Sex Positions playlist!
READ: 6 Super Fun (and Super Easy!) Oral Sex Positions
Step 5: Mastering Tongue Techniques for Blowjobs
While vaginas and anuses offer unique textures and sensations, the tongue’s incredible versatility sets oral sex apart. Incorporating your tongue creatively can elevate a blowjob to new heights.
Graveris suggests these tongue techniques:
- Shaft Licking: Lick the shaft with varying pressure and speed, paying attention to your partner’s reactions and focusing on areas they seem to enjoy most.
- Frenulum Flicking: Gently flick your tongue along the frenulum. Use a light touch initially, as this area can be extremely sensitive.
- Testicle Play: Lick and kiss the testicles. For many, this is a highly pleasurable area that is often overlooked.
“Always remember to check in with your partner to understand their preferences, as individual pleasure zones are unique,” reminds Graveris.
Step 6: Integrating Hands for Enhanced Blowjobs
Another common misconception is that blowjobs are solely about mouth action. Incorporating your hands can significantly enhance the experience and alleviate strain.
Your hands are accustomed to performing tasks for extended periods, making them valuable assets during a blowjob. Combining hand and mouth techniques can prolong the experience and improve comfort for everyone involved.
Sex educator Patti Doolittle recommends holding the testicles in your hand and gently pushing them upwards towards the body.
“This technique uses the testicles to apply pressure to erectile tissue located on the other side,” she explains. “This area is often more sensitive because it doesn’t receive the same direct stimulation as the shaft.”
Other ways to incorporate your hands include:
- Pressure Control: Use your hand to apply extra pressure to the shaft if your jaw muscles become tired from sucking.
- Combined Stimulation: Place your thumb on the frenulum while licking the glans, or vice versa, for varied sensations.
- Full Body Exploration: Reach up to caress your partner’s nipples or reach around to stimulate their anus simultaneously.
Step 7: Exploring Deep Throat Techniques (Optional)
Deepthroating, the act of taking the penis deeper into the mouth, is often romanticized but not always achievable or desired.
Deepthroating involves opening your throat wider to accommodate more of the penis. Some individuals find it easy, while others find it difficult or impossible due to the gag reflex, which naturally protects against choking.
If you are interested in trying deepthroating, the Deepthroat Position can make it easier. This position aligns the mouth and throat, potentially reducing the gag reflex and allowing for deeper penetration. The average penis length is 5-6 inches, and the average mouth depth is 2-3 inches. Aligning the mouth and throat can create more space.
To assume this position, the giver lies face-up with their head slightly hanging off the edge of a surface. The receiver then stands at the edge and guides their penis into the giver’s mouth and throat.
Alt text: Image depicting the Deepthroat Position, showing a person lying on their back with their head hanging off the edge of a bed, receiving oral sex from a standing person.
Crucially, establish a non-verbal safe signal for the giver to communicate if they need a break. With the penis deep in the mouth, the nose and nasal passages can be blocked, and if the penis obstructs the esophagus, asphyxiation is a risk.
It’s important to reiterate: Deepthroating is not necessary for a great blowjob, and it’s not for everyone. The most sensitive nerve endings are concentrated in the glans and frenulum. Focus on stimulating these areas if deepthroating is not comfortable or possible for you. If your partner pressures you to go deeper than you are comfortable with, stop and revisit Step One – communication.
Read: How to Deep Throat
Step 8: Elevating a “Good” Blowjob to “Unforgettable”
Just as ambiance and thoughtful details enhance a dining experience or an outfit, certain elements can transform a blowjob from enjoyable to truly unforgettable.
Here are insights from experienced individuals on what makes a blowjob exceptional:
- Vocal Pleasure: “Hearing the person giving me head moan is a massive turn-on. Knowing they are enjoying it as much as I am is unforgettable.”
- Engagement and Enthusiasm: “Tongue movement, eye contact, lots of saliva, confidence, enthusiasm. It’s more fun if they’re having fun.”
- Confidence and Ownership: “Owning it. Being comfortable – not only in your skin, but also your skill and expectations and taking the other on a ride.”
- Dirty Talk and Eye Contact: “Eye contact and dirty talk for sure (e.g., ‘It’s so big’; ‘I love the way it feels in my mouth’).”
- Focus on Pleasure, Not Just Orgasm: “Don’t just try to rush to orgasm unless you’re playfully taking it as a challenge and communicating that.”
These are examples of what enhances pleasure for some. The best way to discover your partner’s preferences? Revisit Step One – communication!
Step 9: Incorporating Blowjob Sex Toys
Sex toys for penises have evolved significantly. Graveris emphasizes “experimentation and creativity” when integrating sex toys into blowjobs.
Here are his suggestions for incorporating pleasure products:
- Vibrating Cock Rings: “A popular option is a vibrating cock ring. Simply place it at the base of the penis before starting oral sex to add an extra layer of vibration and pleasure for both partners.”
Graveris continues, “When it comes to incorporating flavored lubricants or stimulating gels into fellatio, the possibilities are deliciously enticing. Discuss preferences and flavors with your partner beforehand.”
To maximize flavored lubes and gels:
“Apply a small amount to your hands or directly onto the penis during the act. Use your hands, lips, or tongue to spread and massage the product, creating pleasurable sensations. Experiment with licking and sucking techniques to enhance the experience.”
Choosing the right lube is personal. For flavored options, the Sliquid line is highly recommended.
Beyond cock rings and flavored lubes, here are more sex toy ideas to simulate or enhance the sensation of oral sex:
KIIROO KEON
Alt text: Product image of the KIIROO KEON penis masturbation machine, a portable device for simulating stroking sensations.
The KIIROO KEON is a masturbation sleeve that doubles as a portable sex machine.
This toy automates stroking, allowing you to focus on other aspects of the blowjob or take a break during longer sessions. Simply hold it in place, and it will move up and down the shaft.
Read Kinkly’s review of the KIIROO KEON.
Arcwave Ion
Alt text: Product shot of the Arcwave Ion, a men’s sex toy featuring air-pulse technology for frenulum stimulation.
Air suction combined with stroking creates an incredible sensation. The Arcwave Ion combines air pulse technology pioneered by Womanizer with the design of a masturbation sleeve.
It targets the Pacinian pleasure receptors in the frenulum with more intensity than your mouth alone, ideal for partners who enjoy strong, prolonged frenulum stimulation.
Read Kinkly’s review of the Arcwave Ion.
Cobra Libre 2
Alt text: Product image of the Fun Factory Cobra Libre 2 penis vibrator, designed to be worn on the penis head during sex.
While the previous toys are excellent for solo play or breaks during oral sex, the Fun Factory Cobra Libre 2 is designed to be used during oral sex.
The Cobra Libre 2 is a penis vibrator that sits on the head of the penis, adding vibrations while your mouth is free to focus on the shaft, testicles, and perineum.
Explore similar products and tips in 7 Tips for Choosing a Penis Vibrator.
Step 10: Spit or Swallow: The Ejaculation Question
The age-old question: spit or swallow?
The decision of whether or not to have your partner ejaculate in your mouth is entirely personal and based on your preferences. You may love it, dislike it, or feel indifferent. Your comfort level is paramount, so discuss this openly during Step One negotiation.
If you choose to receive your partner’s semen in your mouth, keep these points in mind:
- Precum vs. Cum: Precum (pre-ejaculate fluid) and cum (ejaculate) are different. Anecdotally, precum is often described as sweeter and oilier, while cum’s taste is influenced by diet and can range in texture from runny to sticky.
- Ejaculation Force Varies: Some people ejaculate with force, while others have a gentler release. Be prepared for either.
- Ejaculate Volume Varies: The average ejaculate volume ranges from a quarter teaspoon to one teaspoon, according to the International Society for Sexual Medicine. However, this can vary.
- Swallowing is Optional: Receiving ejaculate in your mouth doesn’t necessitate swallowing. You can spit it out if you prefer.
If you’d rather avoid having your partner ejaculate in your mouth, here are alternatives for when they are close to orgasm:
- Move Away from the Meatus: Keep your mouth on other parts of the penis like the shaft or scrotum, avoiding the tip.
- Closed Lip Contact: Close your lips around the meatus, catching the ejaculate on the outside of your mouth.
- Frenulum Licking: Focus on licking the frenulum, which may result in minimal ejaculate in your mouth.
- Aim Elsewhere: Guide ejaculation to another area like your face, chest, or torso if you and your partner are comfortable with it.
Step 11: Post-Blowjob Aftercare
Aftercare is crucial after any sexual activity, including blowjobs, to ensure both partners feel safe, cared for, and appreciated.
Here are aftercare ideas from experienced individuals:
- “I’m a big cuddler, and depending on what happened, a wet towel might be nice.”
- “Cuddles, wet wipes maybe, and possibly mouthwash too.”
- “Snacks are great.”
- “Cuddles, caressing, and a nap.”
- “Water and cuddles are always nice unless it’s clearly the beginning of something more.”
Remember to also prioritize your own aftercare. Hydrate, have a snack, use a towel, and seek reassurance and affection from your partner – whatever you need to feel comfortable and affirmed.
READ: The Importance of Aftercare.
Key Takeaways for Blowjob Mastery
If you only remember two things from this guide, let them be these:
- Great Blowjobs Are Subjective: While certain techniques generally feel good, every penis and every person is unique. Communication – before, during, and after – is essential to tailor the experience to your partner’s individual preferences and create maximum fulfillment for everyone involved.
- Blowjobs Are Not Mandatory for Great Sex: You are not obligated to give or receive blowjobs to have fulfilling sex lives. Sex is about pleasure and connection. If something doesn’t feel good physically or emotionally, keep exploring until you find what does.
Now, are you ready to put your newfound knowledge into practice and create some unforgettable oral experiences?
