Rilke beautifully captured the essence of death, noting its role in bringing us fully into the present moment, embracing nature and love. Understanding death’s significance is intertwined with understanding life itself. Being present with a loved one as they near the end of their life is a profound, albeit challenging, experience. It is a privilege to love and to have the opportunity to say goodbye. Wendy MacNaughton, in her poignant illustrated guide How to Say Goodbye, delves into this delicate process, offering a tender field guide for navigating what Alice James called “the most supremely interesting moment in life.” Drawing from her time at the Zen Hospice Project and personal experiences, MacNaughton provides solace and wisdom for those facing this universal human experience.
MacNaughton’s book, filled with her signature ink-and-watercolor illustrations of Zen Hospice residents and heartfelt pencil sketches, offers more than just words. It conveys the wisdom of hospice caregivers, providing guidance on what to express, how to truly listen, and how to remain present. The book emphasizes being present not only for the person who is dying but also for your own experience during this emotional time. It’s about understanding how to say goodbye in a way that honors both lives involved.
At its core, How to Say Goodbye is an invitation to embrace the discomfort of change, the uncertainty of the situation, and the vulnerability inherent in saying farewell. It echoes Zen teacher Thich Nhat Hanh’s powerful reminder that “when you love someone, the best thing you can offer that person is your presence.” This book serves as a gentle guide on how to be present and offer comfort when saying goodbye feels overwhelming.
Drawing inspiration from Frank Ostaseski’s five invitations for the end of life, MacNaughton distills the essence of communication at this stage into five potent phrases. These phrases offer a framework for a loving, respectful, and meaningful conversation as you learn how to say goodbye:
I forgive you.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.
Goodbye.
These simple yet profound words provide a pathway to closure and connection during a difficult time. They represent the core of what it means to say goodbye with love and intention.
Ultimately, How to Say Goodbye reminds us of the fragility of life and the power of love. It’s a guide to navigating the poignant farewell, emphasizing presence, vulnerability, and the deeply human need for connection in the face of loss. For those seeking guidance on how to say goodbye, Wendy MacNaughton’s book offers a comforting and insightful path.
Consider exploring Rebecca Elson’s “Antidotes to Fear of Death” and Anna Belle Kaufman’s poem on living and dying for further reflection on these themes. Mary Gaitskill’s insights on navigating life while parents are dying also offer valuable perspective. These resources, along with How to Say Goodbye, provide profound life advice for facing some of life’s most challenging moments.
