Dealing with premature ejaculation (PE) is a concern that has been around for centuries. Historically, practices like Fangzhongshu in ancient China were developed to address this issue. Today, it’s estimated that anywhere from 30% to 70% of men experience premature ejaculation at some point in their lives. While occasional quick orgasms are normal, persistent premature ejaculation can negatively impact your sexual life and self-esteem.
The good news is that there are proven strategies to help you last longer in bed, enhancing both your sexual performance and your partner’s satisfaction. By implementing these techniques, you can unlock new levels of sexual fulfillment and confidence.
What is Considered a Normal Time to Ejaculate During Sex?
Premature ejaculation is recognized as a form of sexual dysfunction. Definitions of PE can vary slightly among medical organizations. The International Society of Sexual Medicine defines it as ejaculation occurring within approximately one minute of vaginal penetration. The American Urological Association defines PE more broadly as ejaculating “sooner than he or his partner would like” during sexual activity.
It’s important to remember that occasional early orgasms are not a cause for concern. However, if you consistently orgasm before you or your partner would prefer, it can strain your relationship and sexual well-being.
Forget the myth of marathon sex sessions. A study in 2008 involving sex therapists indicated that 7–13 minutes of vaginal intercourse is considered “desirable”. Times shorter than that are often labeled “adequate” or “too short,” while durations significantly longer than 10 minutes may be perceived as “too long.”
Another study involving 500 heterosexual couples measured the actual duration of intercourse by timing from penetration to ejaculation. The average time recorded was 5.4 minutes.
These findings suggest that lasting for hours is not the norm, nor is it necessarily desired by most couples. However, if you are seeking to extend your sexual encounters and delay ejaculation, the following techniques can be highly effective.
Proven Methods on How to Last Longer in Bed
1. Strengthen Your Pelvic Floor Muscles with Kegel Exercises
Yes, Kegel exercises aren’t just for women! These exercises target the pelvic floor muscles, which support your bladder and play a crucial role in ejaculation control and erectile function. Strengthening these muscles can provide you with greater command over when you ejaculate and improve overall erectile quality.
To locate your pelvic floor muscles, try stopping your urine flow midstream. The muscles you engage to do this are the ones you’ll be working during Kegels. You can practice this even while urinating to get a better feel for the muscle group.
To strengthen these muscles, practice squeezing them daily. You can do Kegels while urinating, lying down, or standing. Simply contract your pelvic muscles and hold the contraction for 5-10 seconds, then relax. Repeat this 10-15 times per day.
Studies have demonstrated that pelvic floor exercises can help up to 80% of men improve their control over premature ejaculation.
2. Adopt Healthy Lifestyle Habits
Your overall health is intrinsically linked to your sexual health. Factors like obesity, smoking, and excessive alcohol consumption can negatively impact sexual function. These issues can lead to high blood pressure and reduced blood flow to the penis, making it more difficult to achieve and maintain an erection and control ejaculation. Conversely, a healthy lifestyle can significantly improve your sexual performance.
Incorporate these healthy habits to boost your sexual function and overall well-being:
- Engage in regular exercise.
- Follow a balanced diet rich in vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and lean protein.
- Moderate your alcohol intake.
- Quit smoking.
- Avoid recreational drug use.
- Practice stress management techniques such as meditation and deep breathing exercises.
3. Prioritize Your Mental Health
The connection between mental health and sexual performance is well-established. Mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, and stress can significantly impair your sexual function. These conditions are also major risk factors for erectile dysfunction.
Depression and PE can create a negative cycle, making it challenging to determine whether depression causes PE or vice versa. However, seeking treatment for mental health issues through therapy and medication (when appropriate) can substantially reduce your risk of premature ejaculation and improve your overall sexual health.
If you are experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition, such as persistent sadness, anxiety, or feelings of worthlessness, it’s crucial to consult a healthcare provider to discuss mental health care options.
4. Incorporate Foreplay into Your Sexual Encounters
It’s important to remember that penetrative sex is not the only path to pleasure, especially for partners with vaginas. Studies show that only about 18% of women can achieve orgasm from penetration alone, and approximately 36% require clitoral stimulation to climax.
This highlights the importance of foreplay. Incorporating foreplay into your sexual activity can enhance both your and your partner’s sexual experience. It also naturally delays the point of penetration. Explore different forms of foreplay, such as sensual massage, erotic touch, and sex toys, before proceeding to intercourse.
Foreplay not only makes sex more enjoyable and varied but also helps in delaying orgasm.
5. Utilize the Stop-and-Start Technique
Once you begin sexual intercourse, there’s no need to rush towards orgasm. Taking things slow and employing the stop-start method can effectively delay ejaculation. Experiment with different sex positions and use this technique to gain better control.
When you feel yourself approaching orgasm, stop all stimulation and focus on pleasuring your partner in other ways. For example, you could switch to oral sex to stimulate the clitoris while you take a break. Once the urge to ejaculate subsides, you can resume intercourse.
This method not only prolongs sex but also helps you become more familiar with the sensations leading up to orgasm. As you become more accustomed to recognizing these sensations without immediately ejaculating, you’ll be able to react more quickly when you feel yourself getting close to climax and utilize alternative methods of providing pleasure until the urge passes.
6. Practice Edging Techniques
Edging, whether practiced during masturbation or with a partner, is a powerful technique for learning to control orgasms more effectively. When using it specifically to address PE, it’s recommended to practice edging alone initially. Similar to the stop-start method, edging involves stimulating yourself (usually through masturbation) until you feel you are on the verge of orgasm. At that point, stop stimulation.
Pay close attention to the physical sensations as you approach orgasm. By repeatedly bringing yourself to the brink and then backing off, you train yourself to recognize and control the orgasm reflex. Continue this process until you feel you have regained control over your arousal level.
7. Implement the Squeeze Technique
The squeeze technique can be used in conjunction with edging or during sexual intercourse. If you feel an orgasm approaching, stop stimulation and firmly squeeze your penis just below the head. Apply pressure to the urethra, which is the tube located on the underside of your penis. This pressure will temporarily reduce your erection and provide a brief pause in stimulation, which can help delay ejaculation.
8. Masturbate Before Sex
If you haven’t ejaculated recently, the heightened excitement of sex can make it harder to control your orgasm. A simple yet effective strategy is to masturbate to orgasm before engaging in sexual activity with a partner. After ejaculation, your body enters a refractory period, a recovery phase during which it’s more difficult to achieve another erection or feel a strong sex drive. Your body is essentially recovering from the previous sexual stimulation.
While it might seem counterintuitive, having sex during this refractory period can lessen the intense mental and physical stimulation that leads to orgasm. This can help you delay ejaculation and prolong intercourse.
9. Consider Using a Numbing Agent
Desensitizing your penis with numbing creams, sprays, or wipes can be an effective way to delay ejaculation. Look for topical anesthetic products that contain ingredients like benzocaine or lidocaine. For example, products like Promescent offer benzocaine-based sprays and wipes designed for this purpose. When used in appropriate amounts, these products can reduce sensitivity in the penis during sex, helping to delay orgasm.
It’s advisable to test desensitizing products on your own before using them with a partner to understand how they work and how they feel. Always follow the instructions on the product packaging and avoid using more than the recommended amount, as overuse can lead to unwanted side effects.
10. Try Thicker Condoms
Condoms are essential for preventing sexually transmitted infections and unintended pregnancies. They can also be a surprisingly helpful tool for delaying ejaculation. Thicker condoms can reduce sensation during penetrative sex, which may help you last longer.
Additionally, some condoms, such as Trojan Extended Pleasure condoms, are designed with a medicated lubricant containing benzocaine to further desensitize the penis.
11. Explore Medication Options
If self-help techniques are not providing sufficient relief, consult a healthcare provider. They can offer further medical advice and discuss other treatment options. In some cases, medication may be prescribed to improve sexual performance and address premature ejaculation.
Currently, there are no FDA-approved medications specifically for PE. However, medications like sildenafil (Viagra) may help some men delay orgasm. Certain antidepressants, known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), have also been used off-label to treat PE. Common SSRIs that may be considered include paroxetine (Paxil), sertraline (Zoloft), and fluoxetine (Prozac).
SSRIs can have side effects in some individuals. It’s crucial to discuss your mental and physical health history, as well as any current medications, with your healthcare provider before considering antidepressants for PE.
12. Communicate Openly with Your Partner
Perhaps the most crucial step is to communicate openly with your partner about your concerns regarding premature ejaculation and any performance anxiety you may be experiencing. Worrying about ejaculating too quickly can actually exacerbate the problem and hinder your ability to enjoy sex.
Studies consistently show that couples who communicate openly and honestly about sex tend to have more fulfilling sexual relationships. Choose a comfortable and private time to have a relaxed conversation with your partner about your sexual desires and needs. Encourage mutual openness about feelings and avoid placing blame.
Develop a plan together to address premature ejaculation or any other sexual challenges you may face as a couple. This shared approach can alleviate pressure on one partner and strengthen trust and intimacy in the relationship. If you find it difficult to communicate effectively about your sex life, consider seeking guidance from a sex therapist or couples counselor who can provide professional support and facilitate productive conversations.
Seeking Professional Help for Sexual Health Concerns
Don’t let premature ejaculation negatively impact your sex life and overall well-being. If you are struggling with PE, reaching out to a healthcare provider is a positive step. Primary care physicians and urologists can provide medical advice and guide you towards effective solutions.
For convenient and discreet access to care, platforms like Sesame offer online men’s health appointments. These virtual consultations allow you to discuss your symptoms and explore treatment options with licensed healthcare professionals from the privacy of your home. If appropriate, providers on Sesame can prescribe medication and recommend other therapies to help you regain control and enjoy a satisfying sex life.
