Losing someone you love is an incredibly painful experience. Amidst the grief and the need to arrange a funeral or memorial service, writing an obituary might feel like a daunting task. However, an obituary serves as a public announcement of your loved one’s passing, a tribute to their life, and an invitation to those who wish to pay their respects. This guide provides a clear, step-by-step process to help you craft a meaningful and respectful obituary.
Understanding the Purpose and Structure of an Obituary
Before diving into the writing process, let’s address some fundamental questions about obituaries and their role.
What Exactly is an Obituary?
An obituary is a formal public notice of death. While shorter than a eulogy, it’s more than just a death announcement. Typically published online, in newspapers, or funeral home websites, an obituary serves several key purposes:
- Announces the Death: It officially informs the community about the passing of an individual.
- Celebrates Life: It highlights significant aspects of the deceased person’s life, achievements, and personality.
- Provides Service Details: It informs readers about funeral or memorial service arrangements, allowing those who wish to attend to do so.
Who Typically Writes the Obituary?
Usually, obituaries are written by close family members or friends of the deceased. Funeral directors can offer guidance and templates to assist in this process. In some instances, individuals may even pre-write their own obituaries as part of their estate planning.
How Long Should an Obituary Be?
The length of an obituary can vary. While a general guideline is around 200 words, some publications or online platforms may have different requirements. Some may prefer shorter notices of 50 words or less, while online obituaries can sometimes be more extensive, reaching up to 1000 words or more, allowing for a more detailed life story. Consider where you plan to publish the obituary to determine the appropriate length.
A Step-by-Step Guide: What to Include in an Obituary
If you are tasked with writing an obituary for a beloved family member, such as a mother, father, spouse, or any other loved one, follow these six steps to create a comprehensive and heartfelt tribute:
Step 1: Begin with the Announcement of Death
The primary function of an obituary is to announce the passing. Start with the essential details:
- Full Name: State the full name of the deceased.
- Date and Place of Birth: Include their birthdate and birthplace.
- Date and Place of Death: Provide the date and location where they passed away.
Optionally, you may choose to mention the cause of death. Some families find it fitting to mention a courageous battle with an illness or refer to circumstances of a peaceful passing. However, this is entirely optional and should only be included if all immediate family members are comfortable sharing this information.
Step 2: Highlight Significant Life Events and Achievements
This section is where you paint a picture of your loved one’s life. Consider including:
- Educational Milestones: Degrees, schools attended, academic achievements.
- Professional Career: Work history, accomplishments, professional passions.
- Marriage and Family Life: Details about their marriage, children, grandchildren, and family life.
- Hobbies and Interests: Passions, hobbies, and activities they enjoyed.
- Military or Community Service: Contributions to their country or community.
Presenting these events in chronological order can effectively illustrate the journey of their life and the milestones that shaped them.
Step 3: Acknowledge Surviving and Deceased Family Members
This section typically lists immediate surviving family members. It’s also customary to mention immediate family members who predeceased the deceased. Common family members to include are:
- Spouse
- Children and their spouses
- Grandchildren and great-grandchildren
- Parents
- Siblings
You can choose to list names or simply state the number of surviving family members in each category depending on space and personal preference.
Step 4: Incorporate a Meaningful Prayer, Quote, or Special Message
Add a Prayer, Quote or Special Message
A carefully chosen quote, prayer, or personal message can add a profound layer of meaning to the obituary. It can express emotions that words alone may struggle to capture. If the word count allows, consider adding a brief:
- Religious Verse or Prayer: If appropriate to their beliefs.
- Favorite Quote: A quote that resonated with them or reflects their life philosophy.
- Personal Message: A short, heartfelt message from the family.
This personal touch can beautifully encapsulate the spirit and essence of the person you are honoring.
Step 5: Select a Suitable Photograph
If space and publication guidelines allow, including a photograph significantly personalizes the obituary. Choose:
- A High-Quality Headshot: A clear and recognizable image of your loved one.
- A Recent or Representative Photo: It could be a recent picture or one from a period when they were happiest or most vibrant, as long as it is a flattering representation that they would have approved of.
- Consider Social Media: A profile picture from their social media might be a readily available and appropriate option.
Ensure the photo you select is respectful and honors their memory.
Step 6: Provide Funeral or Memorial Service Information
The final essential component is the service details. Clearly state:
- Type of Service: Specify if it is a funeral service, memorial service, or celebration of life.
- Date and Time: Provide the exact date and time of the service.
- Location and Address: Include the full address of the church, funeral home, or other venue.
- Special Requests: If the family has specific wishes, such as donations to a charity in lieu of flowers, mention it clearly at the end of the obituary. This allows those wishing to express condolences to honor the family’s preferences.
What Elevates an Obituary from Good to Great?
While following the steps above will guide you in writing a good obituary, making it truly great involves capturing the unique essence of your loved one. The key is personalization.
Instead of relying on generic phrases and clichés, take time to reflect on the individual’s character, passions, and life’s journey. Sharing specific anecdotes, personality traits, or memorable moments brings the obituary to life and creates a more meaningful tribute. Authenticity and personal insights are what make an obituary resonate deeply with readers and truly honor the person being remembered.
Additional Tips for Crafting Meaningful Obituaries
Keep these additional tips in mind as you write:
- Prioritize Authenticity: Aim to capture the true essence of the person. While you don’t need to dwell on negative aspects, strive for honesty and genuine portrayal.
- Proofread Carefully: Use a spellcheck tool and carefully review for any grammatical errors or typos.
- Employ Literary Devices: Consider using metaphors, imagery, or even gentle humor (if appropriate to their personality) to make the writing more engaging and evocative.
- Share Life Lessons: If appropriate, briefly mention valuable lessons they imparted or how they impacted others.
- Allow Ample Time: Writing a heartfelt obituary takes time and reflection. Don’t rush the process.
Questions to Help You Reflect on Your Loved One’s Life
To gather specific details and insights that will enrich the obituary, consider these questions:
- What three words best describe their personality?
- What are some of your favorite memories of them?
- What achievements were they most proud of?
- What were their favorite hobbies and pastimes?
- What did you admire most about them?
- What unique personality traits set them apart?
- Would they be pleased with the photo you’ve chosen?
Reflecting on these questions yourself, or discussing them with other family members and friends, can provide valuable material and inspiration for a truly personal and memorable obituary.
Considering Humor in Obituaries
While some may consider adding humor to an obituary, it’s important to approach this with sensitivity and consideration. While a touch of lightheartedness might suit some personalities, it’s not always appropriate or well-received, especially in the immediate context of grief.
For individuals who were known for their humor, a subtle, tasteful touch might be fitting. However, avoid forced or excessive humor, which can be misinterpreted as disrespectful or inappropriate. In many cases, especially with space constraints in printed obituaries, it’s best to reserve humorous anecdotes for the eulogy or memorial service, where they can be shared more fully and in a more personal setting.
Let Us Support You in Celebrating Your Loved One’s Life
Knowing How To Write An Obituary is a crucial step in honoring your loved one and arranging their final farewell. Remember, you are not alone in this process. The compassionate team at Joseph A. Lucchese Funeral Home is here to provide guidance and support in every aspect of funeral and memorial arrangements. If you need assistance with writing an obituary or planning a service that truly celebrates their life, please contact us today.
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