In a world often defined by physical proximity in relationships, Viviana, 72, and Sebastian, 65, share a love story that thrives on distance and unconventional intimacy. Their narrative, spanning seven years with two years of no physical meetings, challenges traditional notions of romance and connection. “There was always a sense that we were psychically, as well as physically, merged,” Viviana reflects, encapsulating the profound bond they’ve cultivated. This is how they do it – navigating love, desire, and commitment in a relationship that exists outside societal norms and expectations.
The Genesis of an Unconventional Bond
Their connection sparked unexpectedly. Initially meeting through work, Viviana and Sebastian’s relationship took a turn during a seemingly casual lunch at Viviana’s home. Sebastian recounts, “I remember leaning in to greet her at the door, smelling her scent, and feeling overwhelmed.” This sudden, intense attraction led to their first kiss, a moment of undeniable connection despite the complex circumstances of Sebastian being married. Viviana’s direct question, “How married are you?” and Sebastian’s honest answer, “Very married,” set the stage for a relationship built on transparency, albeit within secrecy. From the outset, their bond defied conventional boundaries, driven by an undeniable and powerful pull.
Bridging the Distance: Emotional Intimacy Beyond Physical Touch
When Sebastian’s retirement led him to move 300 miles away, their relationship faced a significant geographical challenge. However, physical distance became a catalyst for deepening their emotional and intellectual intimacy. Before the move, they cherished monthly meetings, marked by a unique ritual of “breathing in one another’s breath,” a symbolic act of merging beyond the physical. While physical intimacy was a part of their connection, their bond transcended the purely sexual.
In the absence of regular physical encounters, communication became the cornerstone of their relationship. Exchanging 40-60 messages daily, their conversations range from the erotic to the mundane, creating a constant stream of connection. Viviana emphasizes the intensity of this digital intimacy, stating, “I’ve felt more emotionally distant from partners who I was actually living with.” They have consciously built a world within their communication, developing “codes” and a “secret language” to express their desires and experiences. For example, “ice-cream” became their code word for a recent orgasm, a playful yet intimate way to share their physical experiences across the miles.
Further solidifying their bond, they created a shared “archive” of over 10,000 images. This collection serves as a living history of their relationship, allowing them to revisit shared moments and deepen their connection through shared memories. Sebastian explains, “Updating and returning to our archive is more than just a way of keeping a record, it is our way of giving our relationship reality and history.” This digital archive, coupled with love letters and handmade jewelry from Sebastian, demonstrates their creativity in maintaining intimacy and presence in each other’s lives despite the distance.
Navigating Challenges and Maintaining Intensity
The path of unconventional love is not without its hurdles. The distance and secrecy inherent in their relationship create moments of “desperation,” as Viviana describes. A planned reunion that was months in the making was thwarted by Viviana contracting Covid, leaving them “shattered with disappointment.” This setback underscores the challenges of planning and anticipation that become amplified in long-distance, secret relationships.
Despite these challenges, their relationship has not waned. Instead, the distance has become “part of our ongoing dance,” as Sebastian puts it. The anticipation of potential meetings and the creative ways they maintain intimacy fuel the passion in their relationship. Unlike conventional relationships that may settle into routine, Viviana and Sebastian’s connection retains “an intensity comparable with a new, budding relationship.” This sustained passion is a testament to their commitment and the unique dynamic they have cultivated.
“This Is How We Do It”: A Testament to Unconventional Love
Both Viviana and Sebastian approach their relationship with a clear sense of acceptance and without guilt. Viviana does not feel jealousy towards Sebastian’s wife, believing that “there isn’t the kind of intensity between them that would be diminished by him paying attention to me.” She views their connection as “a gift,” a special and unexpected blessing in her later years.
Sebastian conceptualizes his relationship with Viviana as existing in “a completely different universe” from his marriage. Drawing on their shared interest in theoretical physics and the concept of the multiverse, he sees their love as existing in a parallel dimension, not as a replacement for anything lacking in his marriage. “My relationship with Viviana is not a replacement for something that may or may not be missing elsewhere,” Sebastian clarifies. This perspective allows him to compartmentalize and appreciate both relationships without conflict or guilt.
Viviana and Sebastian’s story is a compelling example of how love can flourish in unexpected forms and circumstances. “This Is How We Do It” – through deep emotional connection, creative communication, and a shared understanding that transcends societal norms. Their narrative offers a unique perspective on intimacy, commitment, and the enduring power of love in the modern age, proving that connection knows no boundaries, physical or conventional.
